Strange Bedfellows 9

"Hi, I'm Steve McQueen, and I served in the Marine Corps from 1947 through 1950..."

"And I'm Jackie Gleason, 4-F."

"No matter if you've served honorably in the armed services..."

"Or were too portly to serve..."

"It's important to remember that blindly following morons doesn't make you a patriot."

"Especially if the President is A BUM!"

"And whether in-person or over mass media, there's no excuse for bullying."

"Especially if the President is A BLABBERMOUTH!"

"So remember--"

"A BLABBERMOUTH!"

"So--"

"BLABBERMOUTH!"

Jamming 5

🎶 🎶 "I lost myself on a cool damp night...
I gave myself in that misty light.
Was hypnotized by a strange delight...
Under a lilac treeeee... 🎶 🎶

Who the fuck let Don Adams in the control booth...?"

"He said you invited him--"

"I did not! I say that most assuredly!"

"Okay.... He's leaving, Mr. Price."

"I did one episode of Get Smart last year, and that nightclub vagabond has been a plague upon me ever since!"

"He's gone, Mr. Price. He won't get in again--"

"I made the mistake of being his plus-one for a Coasters concert at The Cinnamon Cinder, but that does not a friendship make!"

"We're very sorry, Vincent. Please don't let it throw you. Can we--"

"It shant throw me. I'm a professional."

"Would you like to take a break, or--"

"Fuck it, I'm going again! Punch me in... 

🎶 🎶 I made wine from the lilac tree,

Put my heart in its recipe...

It makes me see what I want to see...

And be what I want to beeee... 🎶 🎶

I see you, Adams! I see you!" 

Jamming 4

"What time you got, Mikey?"

"Half past dread...."

"What now...?"

"Half past dread."

"Dread-thirty? What's that in, like, Greenwich mean time?"

"I'm just messin' wit'chu, Paul. Time to head to the studio."

"Don't bother. Mick's bringin' in his girlfriend to sing on that Hitsville track."

"Ellen Foley...? Dat's today? We gotta go!" 

"Why?"

"I love Bat Outta Hell!"

"You like Meatloaf?"

"I love dat big sexy byyastard--but my favorite part of de record is where the deejay starts toasting."

"I don't remember any deejay on that, Mikey."

"He's called de Scootah!"

"Never heard o' him."

"Paul--ya nevah heard of de Scootah? Hear ya now...
'Battah steps up to de plate... 
Here's de pitch... He's going.... 
And what a jump he's got, he's trying for turd... 
Here's de trow, it's in de dirt! Safe at turd! 
Holy cow, stolen base! 
He's taking a pretty big lead out dare... 
Almost daring him to try and pick him off.... 
De pitchah glances over, winds up, and it's bunted! 
Bunted down de turd base line.... 
De suicide squeeze is on! 
Here he comes--squeeze play--it's gonna be close, 
Holy cow... I tink he's gonna make it--'"

"Stop right there!"

Jamming 3

"Let's run through Moment's Notice again, Lee. I wanna get it right."

"Can I take another shot at the solo on Locomotion?"

"Hell no, I love what you did with that bent-ass horn."

"Hehe. Dizzy gave me this."

"You coming to the Five Spot later? Monk would love to see you...."

"I can't."

"You at Slugs' tonight...?"

"Nah."

"Where you at then?"

"I'm home. Have Gun--Will Travel is on."

"What the hell is Have Gun--Will Travel?"

"It's a new western, premiered last night. I'm already hooked. There's an encore presentation tonight."

"C'mon, Lee. Art's gonna be there. He's been talkin' about you joining the Messengers. You're practically in. Just gotta show your face--"

"Have Gun--Will Travel is on at nine-thirty. I'll swing by afterward, maybe around eleven."

"You serious...?"

Paladin--that's the cat's name--carries a forty-five caliber revolver in a leather holster with a silver chess knight symbol on it. Dresses all in black, real clean--"

"Sounds pretty cool, but--"

"He hands out these badass business cards--and check out the theme song--"

"I don't need to hear--"

🎶 "Have Gun Will Travel reads the card of a man, 
     a knight without armor in a savage land. 
     His fast gun for hire heeds the calling wind. 
     A soldier of fortune is the man called Paladin...." 🎶

"What time you say it was on?"

Jamming 2

🎶 "Cabo Wabo!" 🎶

🎶 "Wango Tango!" 🎶

"That L.A. Weekly review was right! This is totally what it would sound like if Guy Fieri made music!"

"That can't be a bad thing, Sammy!" 

"Oh, yeah! Keep playin' that sweet lick, Ted.... Here comes the Red Rocker..."

"Yeah! Freestyle it, Sammy!"

"Here we go... 🎶      Got some Cabo Wabo and I'm drinkin' it down.... 🎶 Throwin' back that agave and I'm hopin' I drown... 🎶 Yeah! That Cabo Wabo just quenches my--"

"Hang on, hang on.... Sammy, let's try one without any mention of Cabo Wabo...."

"How 'bout Beach Bar Rum?"

"No. We're not writing a commercial."

"I thought we wanted to sound commercial. If I wanted gritty realism, I'd have stayed in Chickenfoot."

"Look, I don't even drink. Try something else, okay?"

"Okay, hit it... 🎶 Got to Cabo San Lucas and I'm lookin' for a tasty dish now! 🎶 Try the Meatloaf Cupcake at the Red Rocker Bar & Grill now!"

"Stop! C'mon, Sam. That doesn't even rhyme."

"Now totally rhymes with now...."

"I am going to hunt you."

Jamming

"Merle, it sure is a crazy coincidence that you were in the audience at one of my San Quentin concerts."

"You might say I was a captive audience, Johnny."

"Well now, I thank you for not tunnelin' out! Haha! You coulda tunneled out just like that little fella in The Great Escape; what was his name?"

"Steve McQueen?"

"Nah, the little Scottish fella.... What the hell was his name...?"

"I dunno, Johnny. Hey, how 'bout we sing that Jimmie Rogers medley...?" 

"June! What was that little Scottish fella's name in The Great Escape...? Nah, not him--the Scottish fella!"

"We could sing somethin' else if you want?"

"He gets shot at the fence, June! You know, after the Nazis find the tunnel named Tom...."

"What about a rendition of Sing Me Back Home, Johnny?"

"Just a minute, Merle. It'll come to me. I can see the little dude's face... Red-headed... Face kinda like a ferret...."

"Why don't I kick it off, and you join in whenever you're ready, okay...? Johnny...?"

"Had a nose sorta rodent-like...."

"Uhh, okay.... Here we go... 🎶 The warden led a prisoner down the hallway to his doom... 🎶 And I stood up to say good--"

"Ives!"

On Location 6

"What're them assholes marchin' for now?"

"It's an anti-gay rally, Jim."

"Dagnabbit, Don. Just yesterday they's marchin' against immigrants. Time for that it was Black people. Now they's marchin' against me...?

"They're marching against everybody; just give 'em time." 

"Signs all got misspellins... all they contractions is mixed up--"

"Oh, they're ignorant as hell, Jim. It goes with the hatred. What they really are is cowards."

"Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it."

"Pithy and true!"

"If ya think about it, I guess our show could be doin' more for integration--"

"I'm always sayin' that to Andy! How the hell did you make A Face In The Crowd, and there's only one type of person living in this fake town?"

"Don, the only way to deal with an unfree world is to live so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."

"You're gosh-darn right! Meanwhile these bastards are free to march right past our set. Tell you what...these fellas are goin' straight to hell."

"Hell is a special favor, which honors those who persistently harass it...."

"What the hell, Jim...?"

"I been readin' a shit-ton of Camus."