Besties 3

"Anyway, that's where I found this hat. Same place Joe bought that ukulele."

"It's a cuatro. Not a ukulele--"

"It's a ukulele, Joe."

"It's not a ukulele, Mick. It's a cuatro, from Venezuela."

"It's not Venezuelan--"

"It bloody well is Venezuelan. They use it in joropo, a sort of fandango music that originated in the plains, east of the Andes..."

"I know what the man in the shop told you, but it's a ukulele. It's tuned GCEA. A cuatro's got reentrant tuning."

"Never mind all that musical mumbo jumbo. I'll hit the last string... Hear that? It's a B..."

"That's an A, Joe."  

Besties 2

"I tried to get Leonard on Hooker, but he said no."

"I said maybe, Bill."

"Leonard's maybes are other people's noes."

"We're here to plug the movie, Bill."

"Why did you mention plugs? Is that a crack on my hair? This is a weave, Leonard."

"Ha! No, Bill. Tell them about the sequel, Final Frontier."

"I directed. So I'll get the blame. But I want to remind you all about the writer's strike last year. The script was not where I wanted it--"

"Bill--"

"Not to mention that the budget was over twenty million less than the first film's--"

"Bill--"

"Just a minute, Leonard. Finally there's a lot of comedy in the film, but it's not played for laughs. It's social commentary--"

"Jesus, Bill, we all know the film sucks, but give it a chance..."

"I knew you hated it!"

Besties 1

"So you couldn't go to the Emmy Awards with me because you were bowling with Skippy from Family Ties...?"

"His name's Marc, and he's not a threat to you, Michael."

"You don't think I know that? I'm the King of Pop!"

"I know--"

"There is none higher!"

"I know, Michael."

"You must wanna get tickled?"

"Don't you fucking tickle me!"

"Who wants tickles...?"

"Do not tickle me!"

"Tickle time!"

"I'm... a... Haha! God... damn... Hahaha! Black... belt!"

Strange Bedfellows 10

"We'd love to take a picture, thank you. Truman's my favorite author! Make sure you print that."

"I'mmm your hossst...Lionel Twwwain."

"He's just joking... Tru... Stay awake. He's such a joker!"

"A commmplete vegetabllle diet..."

"He's always trying to get me to slim down! Tru... What's wrong with you? These are reporters... "

"You all missstake what you asssume... They nevvver leffft the dining roommm..."

"Tru... Stand up straight. He just adores wordplay! Such a genius."

"Count the nummmbersss one to tennn... Turn the knob... and try againnn..."

"Truman's just-- "

"Jamesss Coco is a BITCHHH!"

"Umm... Have any of you guys seen Mr. Waters?"

"A BITCHHH!"

Strange Bedfellows 9

"Hi, I'm Steve McQueen, and I served in the Marine Corps from 1947 through 1950..."

"And I'm Jackie Gleason, 4-F."

"No matter if you've served honorably in the armed services..."

"Or were too portly to serve..."

"It's important to remember that blindly following morons doesn't make you a patriot."

"Especially if the President is A BUM!"

"And whether in-person or over mass media, there's no excuse for bullying."

"Especially if the President is A BLABBERMOUTH!"

"So remember--"

"A BLABBERMOUTH!"

"So--"

"BLABBERMOUTH!"

Mammal 2 Mammal

"Please put me down, Ryan. There's girls here."

"Let 'em see. Let all those bitches see what a bad boy you are."

"This is so emasculating."

"Trust me. They're gonna think you're a very bad boy. Bitches love bad boys. They'll say, Who is that dog who's so bad he can't even be put down?"

"They're laughing."

"Bitches laugh when they're interested."

"I dunno, Ryan."

"You know what you are? You're leash proof. That's what they'll call you."

"You think?"

"Hey, who knows bitches...?"

"Gosl--"

"Gosling knows bitches. You're fuckin' A right."

Mammal 2 Mammal

"Hey there! Aren't you just beautiful. Well, you're just a big ol' horse, ain't ya?"

"Why, yes."

"I absolutely love horses."

"Glad to hear it. I'm a huge fan."

"Well, aren't you just sweet as sugar!"

"I was actually foaled in the same part of Eastern Tennessee that you're from."

"No foolin?"

"Cocke County, right next to Sevier."

"I tell you what, neighbor, I'm gonna sing a song just for you. Is there one song you'd really like to hear?"

"Oh, wow. It's so hard to pick; I love so many.... Nine to Five... Jolene... I Will Always Love You--"

"I know! I'm gonna sing Coat of Many Colors!"

"Ugh."

"What now?"

"I... I said, thanks."

Strange Bedfellows 7

"Fuck that, Angela. Ya didn't escape The Blitz, and bury two husbands to be told no! Ya walk down to the Walter Kerr Theater and tell those bastards that ya are Madame Armfeldt!"

"I don't know, Bea. I think they'll give me every consideration. After all, I've a long Broadway track record."

"Yeah, but ya spent a dozen years on TV. Theater people have the memory of a flea. Ya gotta fight for that role."

"Perhaps I'll drop a line to Zeta-Jones. She just signed on, and I'm sure she'd recommend me."

"I'll talk to Catherine."

"Please don't. After all, it's not up to her. It's up to the director."

"You're right. I'll lean on the director." 

"Oh, dear. Please don't do anything untoward."

"I drove a truck in the Marine Corps, Angela. I think I know how to lean on someone."

"Oh, my...."

"Do you know what fragging is?"

"No."

"Don't worry. This will never come back to you."

"Bea, please don't--"

"Message received."

"No, no. I'm saying, Don't."

"Duly noted. Consider yourself blameless.

"Oh, my...."

On Location 3

"You know, Gary, I have a soft spot in my heart for retarded kids."

"Umm... That's great, Gil."

"I first worked with the retarded in college. Retarded kids have a beautiful quality that I always found very warm...."

"Cool... Sounds really rewarding."

"It is. You know at the last Special Olympics, right here in L.A., I worked as a hugger."

"What's a hugger?"

"The retarded kids run a race, and when they cross the finish line they get a hug. All of 'em. Regardless of their finish time."

"Oh."

"You know I really admire you, Gary. Everything you've accomplished."

"Gil... I'm not retarded."

"Of course you're not. You're a very special person."

"Thank you."

"Very special..."

"Don't hug me."

Strange Bedfellows 6

"How is this, Andy? Big smile...."

"Hmmm...? Oh, yeah, greaaaaat."

"Now this...mouth opened.... Still smiling!"

"Uh...perfect, Grace."

"Now I cock my head back.... I laugh loud!"

"Mmmm hmmm....."

"And now I-- What is this? Andy! You do not photo me at all!"

"What? No. That hobo has one leg.... Isn't he amaaaazing?"

"Why did I wear my biggest hat if you are just going to photo a one-legged hobo?"

"Oh, yeaaaaaah.... Great idea, Grace. Put your hat on the hobo..."

Strange Bedfellows 4

"Okay, now you seem like someone looking to meet a great guy."

"She don't wanna meet me, John."

"Sly, she came to this mixer for a reason."

"She don't wanna meet me. I can tell."

"Sly, please.... Now, you think my friend is good looking, don't you?"

"C'mon, John. She ain't int'rested."

"You're single. My friend's single.... You like movies? Boxing movies?"

"No girl likes boxin' movies."

"This girl might."

"No girl does. I tol' ya I didn't wanna come tonight. Why'd ya make me?"