Photo Opp 1

"Nice Lee... Looking good in that coat! Yeah, let's see those rings...."

CLICK

"Fantastic, Champ... Yeah, check out those biceps on Hulk.... you can't believe it!"

CLICK

"Haha! Perfect Cyndi, do what Hulk's doing..."

CLICK

"Nice, Wendy...  Stay out of the way."

CLICK

"Okay, let's try a new look, guys. Do something else... Anything else..."

CLICK

"Guys, that kind of looks the same...  Maybe gimme an angry look now... Lee... Lee... " 

Can Lee hear me...? What do you mean, his face can't move? Who gets surgery to look like that? 

"Hulk, give me any other pose that comes to mind... That's the same bicep, Hulk."

Remind me again why he won't take off the headband...  That's ridiculous. If he wants the illusion of hair, he should start wearing bandanas.

"Wendy, maybe put your arms around Lee... What now...? Seriously?" 

Who's allergic to mink?

"Cyndi, gimme some of that pop-star ego... Not your thing? No problem."

Sheesh, that voice.

"That's still the same bicep, Hulk."

How did this stiff ever win the title? Wish I could bring Piper back in here. That photo shoot was a dream. 

"Okay, everyone... Listen up... Let's uh... Ah, fuck it."

CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

On Location 7

"Well, we were at Shepperton for a sequence on the docks, but we're here at Elstree starting today."

"And what are you boys up to?"

"It's a period piece, Mr. Nicholson."

"Petticoats and britches, eh, James? Are you journeying to the center of the Earth again?"

"No, it's a rollicking mystery set in Victorian London."

"Hey, we've all gotta pay the bills. Nothing wrong with a little prostitution, artistically speaking. This here's a spook film I'm working on--"

"No, no, it's actually a brilliant script. It pits Sherlock Holmes against Jack the Ripper."

"Your voice is perfect for Holmes, James."

"Point of fact, I play Doctor Watson."

"That sounds fine to me. Everybody wants to play quarterback, but there's no shame in carrying the water. Am I right?"

"I say--"

"Your father's a terribly talented man. I don't know what crap he's making now, but have you girls seen Lolita...?"

"We're leaving, children."

Besties 3

"Anyway, that's where I found this hat. Same place Joe bought that ukulele."

"It's a cuatro. Not a ukulele--"

"It's a ukulele, Joe."

"It's not a ukulele, Mick. It's a cuatro, from Venezuela."

"It's not Venezuelan--"

"It bloody well is Venezuelan. They use it in joropo, a sort of fandango music that originated in the plains, east of the Andes..."

"I know what the man in the shop told you, but it's a ukulele. It's tuned GCEA. A cuatro's got reentrant tuning."

"Never mind all that musical mumbo jumbo. I'll hit the last string... Hear that? It's a B..."

"That's an A, Joe."  

Besties 2

"I tried to get Leonard on Hooker, but he said no."

"I said maybe, Bill."

"Leonard's maybes are other people's noes."

"We're here to plug the movie, Bill."

"Why did you mention plugs? Is that a crack on my hair? This is a weave, Leonard."

"Ha! No, Bill. Tell them about the sequel, Final Frontier."

"I directed. So I'll get the blame. But I want to remind you all about the writer's strike last year. The script was not where I wanted it--"

"Bill--"

"Not to mention that the budget was over twenty million less than the first film's--"

"Bill--"

"Just a minute, Leonard. Finally there's a lot of comedy in the film, but it's not played for laughs. It's social commentary--"

"Jesus, Bill, we all know the film sucks, but give it a chance..."

"I knew you hated it!"

Besties 1

"So you couldn't go to the Emmy Awards with me because you were bowling with Skippy from Family Ties...?"

"His name's Marc, and he's not a threat to you, Michael."

"You don't think I know that? I'm the King of Pop!"

"I know--"

"There is none higher!"

"I know, Michael."

"You must wanna get tickled?"

"Don't you fucking tickle me!"

"Who wants tickles...?"

"Do not tickle me!"

"Tickle time!"

"I'm... a... Haha! God... damn... Hahaha! Black... belt!"

Strange Bedfellows 10

"We'd love to take a picture, thank you. Truman's my favorite author! Make sure you print that."

"I'mmm your hossst...Lionel Twwwain."

"He's just joking... Tru... Stay awake. He's such a joker!"

"A commmplete vegetabllle diet..."

"He's always trying to get me to slim down! Tru... What's wrong with you? These are reporters... "

"You all missstake what you asssume... They nevvver leffft the dining roommm..."

"Tru... Stand up straight. He just adores wordplay! Such a genius."

"Count the nummmbersss one to tennn... Turn the knob... and try againnn..."

"Truman's just-- "

"Jamesss Coco is a BITCHHH!"

"Umm... Have any of you guys seen Mr. Waters?"

"A BITCHHH!"

Mammal 2 Mammal 5

“No, fuck you!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“FUCK YOU!”

“All right already, Manis!”

"Oh, so you know my name? I wasn't sure, because I'M NOT IN THE CREDITS!"

"All I said--"

“I am not the one--Tony Danza, Mr. Big TV Star--I am not the one to fuck with.”

“All I said was, I think we should rehearse the scene again.”

“This isn’t Shakespeare. It’s a goddamn ape-themed comedy. This genre didn’t even exist three years ago. Then Clint Eastwood wakes up in the middle of a fever dream about an orangutan, and all of a sudden my brothers and I lose our tricycle act--and the only thing anybody wants to see me do is drink beer and flip people off. Well, I didn’t train for three years at Uncle Willy’s Primate Stunt Farm just so I could play to the lowest denominator. I am an actor. Would you ask a… a human... a Burl Ives or a Wally Cox... I mean… Jesus, it’s hot in here. I uh…”

“You want some water...?”

“Make it a beer.”